Fighting the dark days

Do you ever have those times when you feel like you have just completely lost your way? Perhaps you have all these amazing ideas and thoughts, but don’t know how to accomplish them. Perhaps your self esteem is flaking and all you feel like doing is staying in and hiding under your duvet?

 

This is pretty much me at the moment. I am stuck in this funk and struggling to see a way out.

I have had this domain for many years and it’s changed avenues over time.

Earlier this year, I decided I wanted to us it as a motivational and inspirational tool – but I also wanted to be transparent.

I am not an expert in this field. I am just your average mother who has spent all her life battling anxiety and depression and using this little space on the internet as a way of therapy.

I find writing very therapeutic – but putting it out here like this is not good for my anxiety. You see, I think too much about what people think of me. I know I shouldn’t and when I am having good days (or weeks), I feel confident and I couldn’t give a crap about what anyone thinks. And then it hits me like a tonne of bricks and I crawl back inside myself and become this recluse who just hides away.

The last couple of years have been tough on us a family. My anxiety has not given me a break and my depression got bad that I had to increase my medication dosage, and still on a higher dose. I just feel like I cannot function as a normal person without it – although the last few weeks in particular I am struggling to function at all.

I don’t know if it’s because the children are on summer break, but I have found this summer really tough going. I’ve also had these great idea’s for blog posts and Youtube videos – and then think, nah, no one will want to read/watch that and I dismiss it.

I need to get over myself. I need to do something for me, and not care if anyone reads it or watches it, as long as it makes me feel better, right?

So, I think this is what I am going to use this place for.

An online journal for how I am feeling – and sharing tips along the way that I have found useful. I have already shared a lot of my favourite book recommendations, if you’re into the motivational/inspirational kinda book. If people read it, then great. If not, then I still have a creative outlet and somewhere to jot down my thoughts and plot out my way to recovery from anxiety and depression.